This morning my middle bipolar son called me in a panic. He totally broke down in tears on the phone. He is having issues with his girlfriend while trying to perform his duties at work. Crisis has taken over and crippled him at this point. So, I muster up all the Motherly advice that I could. I try to remind him how strong he is. I tell him that it’s ok to be upset. I then try to remind him that not everyone is going to see things the way we do or handle things the way we do and our normal is not everyine’s normal. “But Mom, I’m so tired and I’m so sick of feeling like everything is my fault and I’m just a bad person”…
DAMN!!! DAMN!!! DAMN it all to hell! I got mad and sad and crazy all at the same time. Then I went into protect my baby mode. I told him never to let anyone make him feel bad or beneath them and it’s not his fault and screw them and screw the world and my toughness and anger just took over.
Julz, don’t forget to breathe.
Just because he feels this way doesn’t mean that people are doing anything to him. We tend to have a lot of paranoia and assume that people are personally attacking us all the time. Oops, I forget this.
Then I changed my tune. I told him, text the girlfriend and tell her nicely that you would appreciate her waiting until work is over and then they can discuss the issue because right now he is trying to honor his responsibility and doing his job. I told him how much I love him, how amazing he is and that I admire his courage for calling me instead of just reacting and losing his shit. For now, he seems calm enough to breathe. Maybe he will just turn it around and focus on his tasks at work as I instructed. I rescheduled my day just in case he needs to call again. Every crisis is an emergency in our family because you never know.
I forget that not everyone feels an intense as I do. I forget that my reactions are way over the top. I forget that to me, my defending myself is seen as aggresion to others. Not everyone is going to be able to put up with us and that’s ok. Not everyone is going to see our crisis like we do. Not everyone is going to accept us good and bad.
It’s frustrating because I do understand, I do accept you and I can weather the storms with you. Being a bipolar parent of a bipolar kid is a curse and a blessing. I know what’s going on but sometimes I can’t help. Sometimes we just have to accept it no matter how much it hurts.